In the beginning, when God created man, He saw that man was lonely and needed a companion (Gen ), so He created woman from man (Gen ). Then God brought the woman to the man to be a helper to him (Gen 2:22) and later gave the man rule over the woman (Gen 3:16):
Gen “And the LORD God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helpmate for him.”
Gen “And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.”
Gen 3:16 “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; in sorrow you shall bring forth children; and your desire shall be to your husband, and he shall rule over you.”
This act of God giving a woman to a man constituted the first act of marriage. Then, when the man came unto the woman and consummated the marriage, the two of them became one flesh. The scripture actually says that the man shall “cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh.” The Hebrew word “dabaq,” which was translated to the English word “cleave,” means to be joined together.
H1692 Dabaq, daw‑bak’: a prim. Root; prop. To impinge, i.e. cling or adhere; fig. To catch by pursuit:‑‑abide, fast, cleave (fast together), follow close (hard, after), be joined (together), keep (fast), overtake, pursue hard, stick, or take.
When God spoke the act of marriage into existence, He never intended for it to end. Once a man and a woman come together and consummate a marriage, they become one flesh and they are married until death separates them. God did not institute divorce; man did (Matt 19:8).
Mat 19:8 “He said unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts allowed you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.”
When the Pharisees asked Jesus about divorce, He said that it was not God’s intent for a husband and wife to be divorced, but in the past Moses permitted it to happen. But He said that in the beginning divorce was not part of God’s plan and once a man or woman came together, they should not be separated:
Mat 19:3-6 “The Pharisees also came to him, tempting him, and saying to him, is it Lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said to them, Have you not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they two shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together let not man put asunder.”
Mat 19:7-8 “They said to him, why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He said to them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts allowed you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. “
Jesus went on to say that there was only one reason for a man and a woman to divorce after they had married; if it was discovered that one of them had committed fornication.
Mat 19:9 “And I say to you, whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, commits adultery: and he who marries her who is put away does also commit adultery.”
There are some that teach, that there is no difference between fornication and adultery, but I want to point out here that Jesus made a very clear distinction between them. The Old Testament Hebrew writing had different words with different definitions for adultery and fornication. The Hebrew word for adulterer was (“na’aph), which was defined as a person that breaks their wedlock; or a married person that has sex with someone other than their spouse. While the Hebrew words for fornication were (“zanah & taznuwth”), which referred to playing the part of a harlot or whore.
A harlot was known as an unmarried woman who had sex with many men. So as you can see, there are two distinct differences between an adulterer and a fornicator.
The New Testament Greek had three words they used for adultery, (“moichao, moicheim & moicheuo”), and two words they used to describe fornication, (“porneia & porneuo”). The definitions of these Greek words were the same as the Hebrew words and showed a distinction between a fornicator and an adulterer.
The Apostle Paul touched on the subject of fornication in his letter to the Corinthians. But while looking at what he said, we need to realize that he was answering a question, which we cannot see. We should also keep in mind that in the olden days it was a common practice for men to have sexual relations with harlots. As I read the answer Paul gave to the Corinthians, I believe they had asked his opinion about their relationship with harlots and he said: “to avoid fornication (which occurs before marriage) it is best for every man or woman to marry and have their own wife or husband.”
1 Cor 7:1-2 “Now concerning the things that you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. “
Paul also said that if you are a born again believer, your body is a member of the body of Christ and should not be joined to a harlot in fornication. Remember the definition of both the Hebrew and Greek words for one who plays a harlot was a fornicator.
1 Cor 6:15-16 “Don’t you know that your bodies are the members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of a harlot? God forbid. What? Do not you know that he, which is joined to a harlot, is one body? For two, said he, shall be one flesh. “
1 Cor 6:18 “Flee fornication, every sin that a man does is without the body; but he that commits fornication sins against his own body.”
After all of this indicating that there is a clear distinction between adultery and fornication, one thing needs to be made real clear. Since Jesus said that the only acceptable reason for one to divorce their spouse was for fornication, then adultery, which can only occur after marriage, is not an acceptable reason according to the scriptures.
Adultery is a sin, a transgression against God and one’s spouse that must be dealt with by repentance, but it does not undo the consummation of a marriage between two people who were joined together until the separation by death.
Paul made one other statement about divorce that man has interpreted for his own advantage that needs to be discussed. In First Corinthians chapter 7, Paul speaks of someone who has a spouse that is not a believer and says that is no reason to divorce them. But he adds, if the unbelieving spouse wants a divorce, you should let them go to keep peace in your life:
1 Cor 7:12-14 “But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother has a wife that believes not, and she is pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman who has a husband that believes not, and if he is pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the wife sanctifies the unbelieving husband, and the husband sanctifies the unbelieving wife: or else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.”
1 Cor “But if the unbelieving spouse departs, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God has called us to peace.
Where the problem arises, is in the understanding of exactly what the 15th verse actually means when it says, “a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases.” Some take this to justify getting married again to someone else after the husband and wife divorce, but this is not true. To be not under bondage means that you are not obligated to continue to live together.
When God said that the two would become one flesh when they came together, He did not say only if they were both believers. Remember that Jesus said if you join your body to a harlot, the two would become one. So even though an unbelieving spouse separates from a believing spouse, they are still married in God’s sight and have no right to join himself or herself together with someone else. Once you are married and consummate the marriage, unless prior fornication has occurred, you have become one flesh and remain that way until separation by death of one of the parties.
Divorce is a major problem in our world today and most of it has taken place between those who have not been born again. If a person was divorced and remarried again before they became a Christian, what should they do? That question is often posed to a minister and gets answered in a number of ways, depending upon what the minister whom you ask believes.
There are some ministers who say past mistakes are forgiven and are not a problem anymore. There are some who tell the people that they are living in adultery every day they continue in the second marriage and should get out of it. What complicates the problem is that in a lot of cases children have been born into the second marriage. It makes no difference what any man says about this situation, only what God says matters, that is, if you are a believer and have a hope to receive eternal life.
Paul, the Apostle, said that God will judge those who live in adultery (Heb 13:4), and adulterers shall not inherit the Kingdom of God
Adultery is performing a sexual act with someone other than the person you are married to and according to God’s Word you became one with your spouse when you first married them and will continue to be one with them as long as both live.
I realize that the solution for those persons who have entered into a second marriage, with their former spouse still living, puts one in a very difficult position. That is why we should carefully consider what we are doing before entering into marriage. The vow that we take, “unto death do us part” which was taken from God’s design has real meaning.
There are some who will advise a person in this predicament that God can forgive any sin and will forgive a person for this because they were ignorant of the consequences, not knowing God’s Word before they entered into a second marriage. I truly hope for the sake of so many that this is true. I do not believe that a violation of God’s divorce law would jeopardize one’s salvation, but could prevent one from receiving other rewards in Heaven that are spoken of in scripture. The salvation of our soul depends upon the simplicity of the gospel, believing that God sent His Son to purchase eternal life for all who will believe in Him.
As for the man or woman who has never before been married and finds themselves in a marriage to someone who has been divorced, I offer the following. Fornication, having a sexual relationship with another person before being married to your first spouse can be forgiven by God. One thing that is important is that your actions must be disclosed to the person you are intending to enter into marriage with. Remember what the scripture states: (Matt 5:32 & 19:9) discovering that your spouse has committed fornication before marriage is the only cause for putting them away (divorce).
In any case, using God’s Word as a foundation for advice to those in a second marriage with a former spouse still living, I offer the following: Continue in the present relationship, practicing abstinence from sex for the children’s sake if there are children; or, separate yourself from your present spouse for your soul’s sake. If your original spouse is unmarried, reconciliation should be attempted. In every case, children should be taken care of and nurtured as though the family was still intact.
God is willing to forgive all of our sins if we stop committing them, but if we do not, we will be judged for our actions.
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